| It's easy to find a counselor or therapist, but | | | | Most of our wounds and defenses are the result |
| perhaps more difficult to know if you've found | | | | of what has happened to us and around us. |
| one who's right for you. There are a number of | | | | Healing can happen quickly in psychotherapy - but |
| questions you can ask which will help you to | | | | only after getting safely through the layers of |
| choose a counselor. This short article outlines 14 | | | | protective gate keepers, which understandably |
| of these questions, in no particular order (Please | | | | can take a long time. So, although everyone is |
| note, the words "therapist" and "counselor" are | | | | capable of healing, changes can take years to |
| used interchangeably). | | | | happen for some people and, unfortunately |
| 1. What does it feel like for you to sit with the | | | | because time is limited, some may never achieve |
| therapist? Do you feel safe and comfortable? Is it | | | | the level of healing they desire in this lifetime. |
| easy to make small talk? Is the person down to | | | | Additionally, people are not always at a time and |
| earth and easy to relate to, or does he feel cold | | | | place in their growth in which they are ready to |
| and emotional removed? Is the counselor "stuck | | | | heal and you and I may not be the right therapist. |
| in her head," or overly emotional and empathic? Is | | | | Overall, there are numerous factors at play in the |
| the therapist a "know it all" or arrogant? Sure, for | | | | therapy process which may contribute to or |
| many of us going to a therapist for the first time | | | | interfere with healing, some we are conscious of, |
| is a bit anxiety provoking, and it's important to | | | | others we are not. And so, there are no |
| tease out our own "stuff" from the actual | | | | guarantees without conditions. Here is more info |
| counselor. But, if a counselors doesn't feel like a | | | | on how "Sometimes We Can't Help." |
| good fit for you, that's ok, there's absolutely no | | | | 10. Does your counselor adhere to ethical |
| contract or rule requiring you to continue working | | | | principles such as boundaries, dual relationships, and |
| with the counselor. However, it's important to | | | | confidentiality? There are numerous ethical |
| check if there's a part of you avoiding therapy by | | | | guidelines designed to keep counselors from |
| disliking or judging the therapist. If you find | | | | harming clients. Most important, there is a guideline |
| yourself reacting to every counselor you see, | | | | against dual relationships. When a therapist enters |
| then the issue could be yours and may warrant | | | | into a therapeutic relationship with you, he or she |
| you sticking it out with a counselor in an effort to | | | | should not have any other relationship with you, |
| work through your fears of beginning therapy. | | | | such as teacher, friend, employer, or family |
| 2. What's the counselor's general philosophy and | | | | member; though there are some exceptions to |
| approach to helping? Does your counselor | | | | this rule in village or very rural communities. The |
| approach human beings in a compassionate and | | | | principal behind this guideline is really about who's |
| optimistic way? Does she believe humans are | | | | needs are getting met. A therapist should be |
| born loving and loveable, or does she believe | | | | there to meet your counseling related needs for |
| people are genetically deficient? We at | | | | empathy, understanding, support, guidance, |
| GoodTherpy.org are biased and believe that good | | | | unburdening, and healing. When a counselor gets |
| therapists and counselor's adhere to the Elements | | | | his or her own needs met (emotional or |
| of Good Therapy. | | | | otherwise) by the client, he has crossed a |
| 3. Can the counselor clearly define how they can | | | | boundary and the therapy process can be |
| help you to solve whatever issue or concern has | | | | damaged or ruined. This is one of many ethical |
| brought you to therapy? An experienced | | | | guidelines and it's important for a counselor to |
| counselor explains how she can help, is able to | | | | adhere to these. For more information on Ethical |
| give you a basic "road map," and even an | | | | Standards you can visit these organizations: |
| indication of how you will know when therapy is | | | | American Association of Marriage and Family |
| finished. | | | | Therapists |
| 4. Does the counselor seek regular peer | | | | American Psychological Association |
| consultation? An important professional activity | | | | American Counseling Association |
| for any wise counselor is regular consultation with | | | | National Association of Social Workers |
| peers or consultants. Consultation serves a | | | | 11. Is the counselor licensed? Licensure ensures |
| number of purposes, such as, but not limited to, | | | | that a counselor has engaged in extensive post |
| reviewing cases, receiving advice, getting unstuck, | | | | graduate counseling experience which, depending |
| discovering one's own blind spots, and noticing | | | | on the state of licensure, may include up to 3000 |
| how one's own "stuff" may be getting in the way. | | | | hours of required supervised experience. It also |
| Consultation provides a counselor with a | | | | means the counselor has passed a licensing exam. |
| necessary reality check, a degree of objectivity, | | | | There are many unlicensed therapists who have |
| and feedback, the kind that even the best | | | | years of experience and do excellent work, but |
| counselor can't get without the help of others. | | | | licensed counselors have, in general, though not |
| 5. Can your counselor accept feedback and admit | | | | always, jumped through more hoops and have |
| mistakes? A healthy counselor is open to | | | | undergone more extensive supervision than |
| feedback and to learning that something he said | | | | unlicensed counselors. |
| hurt or offended you. Good therapists are willing | | | | 12. Does the counselor have a graduate degree? |
| to look at themselves, to check their feelings, and | | | | There are numerous people who call themselves |
| to honestly and openly admit mistakes. | | | | "counselors" or "therapists" because they have |
| 6. Does the counselor encourage dependence or | | | | taken a weekend seminar or have learned a |
| independence? Good therapy doesn't solve your | | | | certain therapeutic approach. But without a |
| problems; it helps you to solve your own. | | | | graduate degree in counseling, psychology, social |
| Likewise, good therapy doesn't soothe your | | | | work, marriage and family therapy, or another |
| overwhelming feelings; it helps you to soothe your | | | | related field of study, such a person lacks the |
| own. Like the old proverb, therapy is most | | | | education, training, and skills to provide safe |
| powerful when it helps people to learn to fish for | | | | psychotherapy & counseling. It is highly |
| themselves rather than rely on another to feed | | | | recommended to only work with counselors and |
| them. If your counselor provides wisdom, | | | | therapists who have graduate training. People |
| answers, or emotional support without | | | | without graduate level education in a mental health |
| encouraging you to access your own resources, it | | | | may lack the necessary skills and know-how to |
| is more likely you will become dependent on your | | | | properly diagnose and treat issues; and there is a |
| therapist to help you feel better, rather than | | | | great danger in misdiagnosing and mistreating. |
| dependent on yourself. | | | | Psychology is an enormous field and human beings |
| 7. Has your counselor done his own therapy? One | | | | are multifaceted and complex. It takes years of |
| of the best ways to learn how to help someone | | | | education and training to effectively help people, |
| to heal is to do your own therapy and to | | | | without the proper training there is enormous risk |
| experience the healing process first hand. Thus, a | | | | of causing harm. |
| therapist who has been in their own therapy | | | | 13. Does the counselor have post-graduate |
| benefits from this as a learning experience and is | | | | training? Many new counselors fresh out of |
| probably better equipped to help because of it. | | | | graduate school have had excellent book learning |
| Most good healers are wounded healers, those | | | | but lack enough actual counseling experience to |
| who in the process of healing their own wounds | | | | claim expertise and feel totally confident. Post |
| developed the know how to help others to heal | | | | graduate training in a particular approach to |
| theirs. | | | | psychotherapy is often the next step in a new |
| 8. Does the therapist have experience helping | | | | counselor's career and is helpful in getting a new |
| others with the particular issues you are seeking | | | | counselor to the next level in which they have |
| therapy for? The more experience one has | | | | more confidence and know how. |
| addressing a particular issue, concern, or problem | | | | 14. Have any complaints been filed with the |
| area, the more expertise one has developed. | | | | board? If so, what are the complaints and have |
| 9. Does the counselor make guarantees or | | | | they been satisfactorily resolved? To see if a |
| promises? It's important for a therapist to provide | | | | counselor has a record or is under investigation, |
| hope, but not absolute unconditional guarantees. If | | | | you can check with your state licensing board, |
| you have the will to change and put in the | | | | usually under the state dept of health or |
| necessary time and energy, healing is possible. | | | | occupational licensing. |