| ay, it seems like we are living in an increasingly | | | | "You drink milk, don't you?" |
| liquid world. I'm not preaching against the evils of | | | | Yeah, but that's because it's liquid. Suddenly I |
| alcohol or for a new era of prohibition that will | | | | recalled my dream from just last week. Cow |
| save us from sin and politicians. After all, water is | | | | after cow heading into a factory on a conveyor |
| also a liquid, and it rarely inflicts us with either sin | | | | belt. At first I though it was the Annual Bovine |
| or politicians. | | | | Family Reunion, but on the other side of the |
| But we do expect everything to be excruciatingly | | | | factory, riding the same conveyor belt, were |
| easy these days, so liquid is the operating system | | | | neatly sealed cartons of milk. Aaargh! |
| of choice. | | | | "Squeezed. Like an orange. You drink juice, don't |
| No time to eat? Grab a liquid breakfast and run. | | | | you?" |
| Why tie a knot in the umbilical chord connecting | | | | Yeah...but squeezing a cow? |
| your bed to your desk? If you can find a long | | | | "Just what do you know about liquid?" |
| enough straw, just start slurping as you rise from | | | | I thought real hard. Everything comes in one of |
| bed, and smack your lips to the last drop as you | | | | three states: gas, liquid and solid. Gas is like the |
| whiz out the front door. Bye. | | | | politicians when they are talking. Liquid is like the |
| Remember when soap came in bars? Solid bars? | | | | politicians when they are hard at work attending |
| Sorry, I guess I'm showing my age. Now | | | | cocktail receptions. Solid is like statues of |
| everybody uses liquid soap. Yesterday I reached | | | | politicians. |
| for the soap. No, wait. I reached for the hand | | | | Everything comes in either gas, liquid or solid. That |
| cream. Or was it the soap? But what if it is the | | | | is about all I could remember of my high school |
| hand cream? Soap or hand cream? Which is | | | | chemistry. That, and how to explode a partially |
| which? | | | | dissected frog. No, wait. That wasn't chemistry |
| People used to nail siding onto the exterior of their | | | | class. Silly me. Why would we have a partially |
| homes. Now they just spray on "liquid siding". It | | | | dissected frog in chemistry class. That was that |
| comes in three tasty flavors: siding, ceramic and | | | | other class. What was it called, again? Oh yes, |
| stucco. Yum. | | | | "home economics". |
| And now they've taken my little vitamin | | | | "Did the frog contain vitamins?" |
| supplement pills and liquefied them, too. | | | | Not any more. |
| "Hold on just a minute. How do you know they | | | | "Do you think it's easier to pack vitamins into a |
| liquefied the vitamin pills?" | | | | tiny, hard pill or into a drink?" |
| Who said that? | | | | I suppose it all depends on what kind of explosive |
| "Are vitamins naturally solid? Or are they naturally | | | | you use. I tried to imagine squeezing a fish into a |
| liquid?" | | | | carton. But fish walking up a conveyor belt |
| Uh. I had to admit that I probably would not | | | | seemed just a bit radical ... and even less tasty |
| recognize a vitamin if I bumped into it in the | | | | than freshly squeezed cow. Besides, I might need |
| street ... in which case I have a hunch it might be | | | | to buy fishing gear to get my milk...er...fish juice |
| too big to swallow. Say, who is this? | | | | from the carton. |
| "Where do you think vitamins come from, | | | | "Liquid vitamin supplements are made only from |
| anyway?" | | | | plant ingredients." |
| I always assumed they came from the back of | | | | That's it. Keep your cow. Keep your fish. Keep |
| the corner store in a small town in Indiana, but | | | | your frog...what's left of it. I'm going to for a pure |
| upon reflection, I suspect they might come from | | | | liquid life. |
| oranges and fish and milk. Who are you? | | | | My only question now is: Which one is the soap, |
| "Don't you think it's pretty hard to stuff a fish | | | | and which one is the hand cream? And which one |
| into a hard, little pill?" | | | | is my liquid vitamin supplement? I don't want to |
| I suppose The Voice has a point. | | | | drink the soap by mistake. |